For the first time since some indeterminable night in high school, I am lonely in Beaumont, Texas.
I know my mother will probably read that at some point and freak out at least a little bit, but I’m sure she will soon understand that it’s natural to feel a bit lonely. I am not moping, and I am not miserable. I just miss my best friend and wish I could hold her right now. The pangs will soon ease. I will eat some food. I will go get Mama a card reader so that she can easily put pictures on her digital photo frames.
I genuinely enjoy being around all of the members of my immediate family. There is very little I’m not comfortable discussing with any of them, and for the most part I feel just as at ease around them when I’m happy as I do when I’m depressed. Some people find that strange, and others find it hard to believe. I’m sure plenty of people I know have similar relationships with their family, so I don’t really feel unique in that regard. But I do feel special, in the sense that I am extremely lucky to have such a functional and fulfilling arrangement with three people who, by most modern standards, should harbor tons of resentment for each other for one petty reason or another.
Just typing this has relieved most of the pangs of lonliness. Also, Mama just said something silly that made me feel good. Sitting in her chair, watching the Ayatollah on the Early Show (I doubt she’s paying attention to that) and browsing Facebook or Myspace or whatever Internet singles bar she currently hangs out in, she said, “What am I going to do today?”
I paused and looked up. I flipped my rolodex of responses around in my head for a second, and before I could say anything, she looked up and said, “I’m gonna love you, that’s what I’m gonna do.”
Yeah, we say shit like that. And it genuinely makes me feel good. I don’t know where it came from. I can’t really imagine her mother or any of her siblings saying stuff like that. It’s a tiny bit Papaish, but even if he did say something similar, it would probably not be quite so blatantly saccharine.
Just another reason I know she is and was a damn good mother. And here’s another reason I know she’s a hell of a lot smarter than she likes to lead people to believe: I’m certain she used the power of suggestion to make sure I didn’t sleep in this morning. I haven’t had much trouble waking up early lately, but I really hadn’t planned on waking up at 6:50. However, just before she went to bed last night, she said (to herself, but outloud), “I wish I could sleep in tomorrow.”
This confused me a bit, and I asked “Why can’t you?”
Her response was, “I don’t know, I just never can sleep late.”
When I woke up this morning, my first thought after getting over the usual mini-panic involved in waking up without Bonnie next to me was, “The sun is up, no reason for me not to be.” I figured it was 9 or so and I’d walk out to find Mama slurping Folger’s.
“6:50?!? Jesus! Oh well, I can go back to sleep.”
Wrong. Couldn’t stop thinking about sleep, and then food. So I read for a bit, then ventured out to find that even Mama wasn’t up yet.
One more cup of Folger’s and I’ll go find us some breakfast. And a card reader. And a sledgehammer for this Dave & Buster’s clock looking over my shoulder. I swear it just farted. I’ll tell you more about that guy later.
