John’s camera was most likely removed from his bedroom by someone without the authority to do so. This likely occurred sometime between December 22 and January 1. He would like it known that he who comes forward with his brand new Canon Powershot A95 will receive a reward comparable to the original cost of the camera.
Yesterday I purchashed two tickets to Burning Man 2005. It would be funny if I said “sike!” right here, but since I actually did buy the tickets, it would not be fair humor.
I discovered that the gym I get a membership to through work has a location less than a mile from my house. I will go check it out this week.
On the recommendation of The Rev, and due to the protestation of The Girl With Whom I Would Prefer To Have Some, I went to a doctor this morning to discuss my headaches and stomach pains. The Girl is hoping that whatever they do to me will drastically reduce the volume of noxious fumes that exit my otherwise sexy-as-hell caboose. I’m just hoping that whatever they do to me will drastically reduce the amount of pain I’m in during the 99% of each day in which I’m not farting. I also want a better remedy for my frequent migraines than taking a gram of ibuprofen and a two-hour nap.
This doc was extremely nice, and very smart. She actually spent a lot of time asking me very detailed questions about my symptoms. She made me feel like she was actually interested in making me well. She asked me if I had felt the symptoms today, and I said no. Then she said she’d like to do blood work and I asked her if I could change my answer to the previous question.
It always happens. The instant needles are mentioned, my palms produce enough sweat to fill a small aquarium. I tried to do some of the exercises I learned in various acting classes to relieve tension in my body, but I wasn’t completely successful. I was almost in tears before the vampire nurse approached me to do the deed. Doc C. asked if there was anything we could do to make it more convenient or comfortable for me. Sure, I said. Bring me my mom, my cat, or both. The nurse kept assuring me that she was using “their smallest needle.” My response: “They’re all huge.” When she took a look at my vein, she said, “Oh, we won’t have any trouble. Hellen Keller could hit that one!” She was treating me like a five-year-old, but I deserved it. Actually, I behaved much better than I usually do. I didn’t throw up, pass out or even shout obscenities at her.
After they drained me of my precious bodily fluids, the Doc came over with some drug samples and a prescription to hold onto in case the samples work. I was drinking orange juice because I had been such a good boy. When she was done telling me about the drugs, I stood up and said I thought I was ok. She gently grabbed my arm, smiled, and pushed me back down. “Let’s just wait a bit longer to make sure, ok?” After that I could tell she was just making conversation to keep an eye on me. She went over side-effects and asked me about my job.
I got two drug samples: Two weeks of Protonix, an acid ruducer to help with my stomach problems, and two doses of Axert, a drug that does something to the veins in my brain to get rid of migraines when they occur.
But here’s the funny part. Though both drugs are generally as side-affect free as placebos, one common side effect of Protonix is… (drumroll)… headaches! And one common side effect of the Axert? nausea!. You can’t write comedy that well-timed.
I’ve decided to start keeping some sort of health journal, probably on paper at first. I’ll track weight, exercise, food, drug doses, headaches, stomach problems, and anything else I can think of. I’ll let you know how that goes.
At least I don’t have to wipe my ass and mail it to anybody.
