I have big problems on three different fronts right now. Actually, I have lots of problems on lots of different fronts, but I’m focusing on these three because they seem the most fundamental. If I can correct these problems, I’ll have a lot more bandwidth to devote to all the other little things. I’ll briefly go through these three:
Work: While my “new” job is by no means detestable, in the two months I have been here I have not performed a single task laid out in the job description I was given before I was hired. I’m in a tough spot because I was hired on by a former co-worker and friend. Before he hired me we had a few discussions about the position, and I thought I was very clear with what I was comfortable doing and what technologies I was strong with. He assured me that I was “just what we’re looking for.” I was also told that my first two months here would be 100% training.
Well, the week I showed up, I found out that we’re pretty much a completely Microsoft shop, and all of my Unix/Linux knowledge will be more or less something to shove in my back pocket in case of emergencies. I’ve been left wondering why a guy who knows much more about Unix/Linux than he does about Windows was even hired. Also, as I said before, I have now been here two months, and I have not received one day of training. I was recently given a CD-ROM with a bunch of introductory videos on the products we support. I would love to get started on those, but everytime I fire one up, I am given some administrative task that takes me days or weeks to complete.
I’m torn between feeling like I’ve let my friend/employer down and feeling like I’ve been lied to and disrespected. I’m completely unmotivated. I don’t like what I’m doing at my job right now. I’m trying to get what’s on my plate finished so that I can turn it in and say, “Here’s my best shot at all this, now let me change gears and get back into the technology.”
This is the biggest source of stress in my life right now. I’m very uncomfortable with the way things are going right now, and I need to feel comfortable in my work environment. It has drastically affected my…
Health/Fitness: Yeah, yeah. Here he goes again, talking about the weather and doing nothing about it.
I’m depressed. I need to be angry, excited and fired up. When I’m fired up I move around. I clean the house, I run around the block, I look for parties and shit to tear up. But when I’m depressed with what’s happening from 9 to 5 I just go home, eat sandwiches, drink Coke, and watch terrible television shows. I’m at a very good weight for my height, but I’d like to replace a lot of it with better-toned parts. I need books or advice or a professional to guide me on what I should eat and when, how much I should workout and where, and what I can do while I’m glued to Smallville/24/Scrubs to make myself look and feel great.
I also need to go back to a dermatologist. I tried it in high school, but was much too lazy to keep up with it. My skin is terrible, all over. Maybe diet, exercise and stress elimination will help with that, too. I don’t know.
I’m just not healthy, and I want to be. I can’t wake up in the mornings. I go to bed fully resigned to the idea of waking up at 6am and getting an early start on the day, but it never happens. The alarm goes off and I open one eye, punch “snooze” and sleep another couple of hours. That’s bullshit. I must stop it. I want to be a morning person, and I’m pretty sure I can be. I just need someone or something to help me.
I could go on for pages about this, so I’ll get to the third one and stop, because all this talk about beaing unhealthy has made me hungry for a sandwich. Did I mention I love sandwiches and Coke?
Music: I have hundreds of songs inside of me, and I can’t get them out. I want to start playing out again. Often. I’d say more, but it’s just that simple.
Ok, that’s it. Sandwich time.