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If I had a 2000 nickels

February 26th, 2007 · No Comments · Stories

B and I, together with 3 good friends, trekked down I-20 to Shreveport, LA to see some other good friends rock out with their cocks out. After the show, the girls went to bed while Rob and I spent an hour at one of the “casinos” in Shreveport.

I shall never bad-mouth the 5-cent slot machines so vehemently as I have in the past. When Rob sat down at a Double Diamond machine, I still had $10 of the $20 I had decided to gamble. So, I dumped it into the Triple Diamond nickel slot at 45-cents per spin. Yeah, I’m a high roller.

Anyway, I hit a line with a 2000 credit payout. As I waited 3 hours for the machine to count from 1 to 2000, a dude next to me dropped his jaw and said “Hey, bruh, how much you think that is?” as he went through the motions of hitting “MAX BET” over and over without even looking at the machine. I was a little confused by the question for a moment, and then realized it was far too late/early in the morning for this guy to figure out how much money 2000 nickels made.

I just said, “It’s 100 bucks.”

I think, at that moment, this guy, who probably gambles a lot more than I do, realized how silly and clever the nickel slots are. They screw the gamblers who think they’re being responsible by playing the cheap machines. Finally this guy who was slugging all his money into the machine one nickel at a time understood, having sat next to someone winning one of the highest payouts the machine had to offer, the inherent trickery involved in printing the huge 2000 text along with a bunch of cherries, diamonds and JACKPOTs on a machine that, on the rare occasion it did pay out, only grossed its victim a Benjamin.

I’d like to think that the dude stood up and went home, having resolved to spend his nickels on more responsible activities. But for all I know, he took his newfound epiphany to heart, converted his nickels to quarters, and went downstairs in search of the more lucrative 25-cent bandits.

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