If you saw Cloverfield this weekend, or you are otherwise a nerd of any considerable caliber that’s been breathing for the last two years, then you know where I and any other cool person will be on December 25 this year. Yes, Paramount and J. J. Abrams have joined forces to give us a Trek flick that, whether faithful to canon or not, is sure to be full of explosions and plot twists that will keep us erect for ninety minutes or so.
So certain are they that this Berman-free Enterprise expedition will foster an enduring return of trekophilia, plans are already underway to complement the release of the film with a brand new series. The show will be based on the premise that the crew of the NCC-1701, in their youthful prime, have accidentally slingshotted around a planet of intelligent, biped humpback whales and landed in Southern California in 1991. Their ship badly damaged, they’re forced to pose as students at Bayside High, blending in until Spock and Scotty are able to repair it. You’ll never guess what Principal Belding has in store for Jimmy T. when he catches the “Captain” (of the football team) stealing supplies for a makeshift warp coil from auto shop!
With the writers still on strike, the studio is doing as much production-related work as they can in the meantime. To that end, they have commissioned me to arrange and record the theme music for the show. I’m not supposed to be sharing all of this with you, but I forged someone else’s name on my non-disclosure agreement, so here you go: the first rough mix of “Don’t Phase Me, Bro!”, the theme from Star Trek: My So-Called Five Year Mission.