The Gentle News

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Re: Florist Express Order #81059446

November 7th, 2008 · 10 Comments · Potpourri

To Whom It May Concern:

I just wanted to express my strong dissatisfaction with both the product and the service I received with this order. I understand that Florist Express, a preferred partner of Pro Flowers, relies on a network of florists and delivery services, and thus the finished product will not always come out looking exactly like the arrangement on your website. I was a bit disappointed that the vase I received was clear glass rather than the cranberry glass depicted on the site, but again, I knew this likely had to do with availability.

I am, however, very annoyed that my delivery was delayed twice. Again, I realize that this has to do with your supply chain and outsourced logistics. However, after paying a $14.99 “Standard Delivery Fee”, and both an “Expedited Delivery Fee” and “Same Day Surcharge” to insure they were delivered by 1PM, I received a call late in the day Thursday informing me that they would not be delivered on time. So I was asked if I’d like to reroute them to my home, where my wife would be after work. This seemed reasonable. However, I received another call even later saying that they would be delivered first thing in the morning, to my wife’s office. This was a little discouraging, but still acceptable. I then received a third call after noon on Friday saying that, again, the delivery would be delayed. Again, I informed the caller that my wife would already be gone from work, so please deliver them to our home.

It wasn’t until I placed a call to customer service again at 4:30PM that calls were made to ensure that the delivery would be moved up, even though my wife was now out of the house for the rest of the afternoon. The delivery was made just before 5PM. So now I’m sitting at home, looking at this pretty, but not quite right, floral arrangement and wondering if I should replace the hand-written note, complete with my wife’s first name MISSPELLED by the florist (I double-checked the receipt, and I did indeed spell it correctly on the form.), or leave it all as is so that I can have a laugh with my wife when she gets home rather than the amorous feelings and subsequent intimate activity I had intended the flowers to elicit. Maybe I’ll just eat some of the chocolates I purchased with the flowers, as it seems the “complimentary upgrade” for my inconvenience translates to one or two more (probably nut-filled; I hate nuts in chocolate) truffles instead of a prettier floral arrangement.

In short, I’m not going to get laid, I’ll probably get fatter, and it’s your fault. I would like you to consider refunding, at the very least, the delivery charges. I believe this might cover the cost of the pornography and personal lubricant this situation has forced me to consume.


Farris J Goldstein

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10 Comments so far ↓

  • Your Favourite Canadian

    This made me laugh out loud.

    I think I love you. :)

  • Jim Reverend

    You are a beautiful man. You had me at “To Whom It May Concern”.

  • Farris

    Jess & Jim: Hopefully I’ll get a response. If I do, I’ll post it here.

  • Carrington

    Sadly, as a Brit, I can only supply you with a list of trusted UK florists. However my message applies to the States, indeed the whole of the world.

    In these days of Internet you should NEVER use a third party to order flowers from. Not only do you run the risk of the problems you experienced but a large chunk of your order value will probably have been consumed along the way in the form of commissions/handling fees and other charges.

    Always find a local real bricks and morter flower shop who will not only deal with your order personally but make it as well. Check they are real (not some clever clogs hiding behind a false address) by asking relevant questions about the area – if they hum and hah then they are probably a call centre the other side of the country … or world.

    That way not only will you probably get more for your bucks but it will arrive on time and you won’t have to resort to alterntive methods of excitement.

    Hope it helps
    Caroline Marshall – Foster
    Managing Editor
    Florist & Wholesale Buyer Magazine
    London, England

  • Rachelle

    You, sir, are my hero.

  • eeyore

    hilarious, i am impressed by your wit and diplomatic delivery.

  • Happy Mel

    BRILLIANT! perfectly written and hilariously delivered.

  • Greg Johnson

    Delivery problems are probably the number one source of customer dissatisfaction in the flower business. For those of us in the business, it’s something we’ve known for years.

    Sending flowers is intended to elicit romantic feelings. When something does go wrong, well…the last paragraph of your post says it all.

    I’ll be bookmarking this one.

  • Colin

    Just got off the phone with these people after paying 4.99 to have it delivered before 1pm the next day. It got there at 3pm. After calling customer service i was told that i should not have clicked the expedited delivery box if it was not being delivered same day. i got my money back.

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