The Gentle News

Farris Goldstein is not a role model. He’s not even human, he’s a cartoon. Some of the things Farris Goldstein does could get you hurt, expelled, arrested, or possibly deported. To put it another way, don’t look at my butt.

I’m an average, white, middle-class dude who enjoys creating neat, sometimes entertaining stuff. I’m not complicated, I don’t have a dark and shielded past. I do not slice my ankles with razor blades to see if I can still feel, and I never have. Aside from an unhealthy fear of eight-legged creatures and being followed, I’m arguably free of any substantial mental disorder. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, but unfortunately this did not scar me and leave me with a brooding angst I could channel into any of the indie/rock/alternative music I’ve been involved with over the years.

I’m a musician. I’d like to take on other media as well. Keep in touch here and maybe you’ll watch and participate as I venture into those things. I like to pretend I’m funny, but you’ll find that most of my humor and “art” are entirely referential and unimaginative in nature. Some would call me hack in that respect. Fair enough.

Like so many other knuckle-dragging slobs in the 21st century, my life would be terribly messy and unfocused without a very patient woman to take care of me. Chances are, anything of mine that comes across as truly novel was in some way inspired or originated by my extremely beautiful and clever wife.

I like to cook. When I have the time or inclination to actually write out one of my recipes, I usually put it up here for all to enjoy. Though I’d much rather cook it for you and enjoy a meal with you, please try them out for yourself and let me know what you did differently.

I’m a freelance IT consultant for several smallish-to-mediumish, private companies in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. A professional nerd. That’s what pays the bills. If you need some of that, and want to pay some of my bills, drop me a line at Q U O T E S (get rid of the spaces) at (I’ll make this easier soon, I promise) G E N T L E N E W S (maybe there’s a “Contact” link up there? ) dot (not yet? OK, well, there should be) COM.